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Assalamualaikum

Seminggu nie bagi aku ,sangat sedih.Ntah la.Aku tak tau nak cerita macam mana.Kadang kadang menulis lagi mendamaikan dan menggembirakan daripada bercerita direct dekat orang.Aku bukan apa ,aku jenis yang susah sikit nak cakap cakap hal yang menyedihkan dekat kengkawan tak pun dekat family .When I sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.Sometimes ,it works :) Daripada aku terus bersedih ,ntah sampai bila nak berakhir kesedihan tu pon aku tak tau and takkan pernah tau.Sbb dalam hidup nie kesedihan and kebahagiaan tuu silih berganti datang.Cuma kematangan kita dalam menempuh hari hari yang mendatang tuu perlu.So ,ape ape pun kita mesti kuat, kan?Hee :)

Memang orang selalu kata aku sedih  ke nangis ke semua tuu diorang tak nampak .Haha.Macam kelakar pun ada.Tapi jujurlah aku cakap yang aku tak suka buat orang kat sekeliling aku sedih.Even aku pernah buat orang terasa ngan sikap aku,at least aku tetap berusaha nak mintak maaf balik kat orang tu.Well,sesal laa katakan.Hee :P

Ye,aku jujur.Memang dalam minggu nie aku sedih sebab ada something yang membuatkan aku nangis.Tapi takde lah teruk sangat -.- ala kadar je nangis.Time tu pukul 5:30 pagi *tengok ,siap mention waktu lagi tuu .Hee.Aku nangis lepas dapat text .Lepas dapat text tu ,aku terus tak boleh tidur and keluar bilik duduk bawah lepak kat ruang tamu .Lama aku duk termenung.Smpai la nak kat abis waktu subuh.*dasatkan aku termenung. Aku fikir mungkin semua nie memang betul betul dah berakhir.Sebab dari dulu lagi aku nak sangat benda nie berakhir.Tapi bila lama lama aku pikir balik,aku tak nak berakhir macam tu je.Aku nak berakhir ngan sesuatu pengakhiran yang baik.Tapi tak sangka ,time 4 MAC ,SEMUANYA BETUL BETUL TAKKAN TERJADI LAGI.Aku redha and pasrah.Even hakikatnya Allah je yang tau rasa sakit and sedih yang aku alami buat masa nie :')

6MAC
Perasaan aku sekarang nie?Aku pun tak tahu.Mungkin apa yang terjadi nie memang dia nak sangat cuma dia tak tau nak bagitau aku.Tapi aku lega sebab dia mampu berterus-terang dengan aku sebab dia tak nak jiwa dia seksa sebab aku.Dia tak nak dia merana sebab aku.Dia tak nak terbeban dengan banyak masalah disebabkan aku.Aku pun tak nak disebabkan aku ,dia akan menyesal seumur hidup.Hmm ,aku tak tau nak cakap macam mana lagi.Kalau dulu phone sentiasa jadi peneman aku ke mana je.But now,bunyi phone pon aku tak sedar.Aku letak merata-rata.Sian phone.Rasa terhina sangat phone tuu bila jadi hamba aku.Hee.*takde la.memain je.

And now rasa sakit tuu berkurang.Biarlah berkurang sikit sikit.Setidak-tidaknya aku cuba untuk lupakan apa yang pernah terjadi dalam hidup aku tentang dia.Aku ada misi aku.And dia pun nak aku berjaya.Aku akan ingat setiap pesanan dia.Kata-kata semangat dia.Even dia lupa apa yang dia penah bagitau kat aku,at least aku ingat.Sebab setiap pesanan yang bermanfaat dari dia tuu ikhlas untuk aku.Aku berterima kasih sangat dekat dia.Alhamdulillah Allah .You send me a perfect one to guide me even just for a short time ;') All praise is due to Allah.

This is for you :


There’s a part of me that feels that this will finally give me some closure, or at least for the time being some satisfactory and peace of mind. Not a day goes by where I sometimes wonder just what it was that initially set the spark for you and I. A lot of me, when I think about it, realizes that it was through the multiple roleplays you and I had together that ranged from passionate smut to adorable feels that meshed with the fear of losing you as a friend when times began to become rough between us. I was at a point in my life where it was either you and me, or my other two companions whom I would always voice chat with. 

There came a time that when I did not have their company, I began to find it through you. The more I think about it the more I realize how selfish I was in the past, and it disgusts me. But you have to realize, it was through fear of losing you as a dear friend that set all the other emotions into action. Or maybe it was because I wanted to constantly be that standing stone for you. I saw myself in a ways considering you and I have always had our age differences. I saw what you were going through, and realized that you needed emotional support, in the best ways that I could ever give you; words. I made sure you realized your worth, that life would get better and soon you’d see past the young, and troubling teen years as high school would continue. 

Half of me wonders when the spark of love truly left you too, and some of me feels as if it left around the same time as mine did, and both of us were just beating around the bush not wanting to admit to it fully. I felt abandoned and brushed off, considering after we had broken off finally, about a week or so later you got yourself a boyfriend. You were able to accomplish all that you wanted. A boyfriend, someone to be physical with. I was the emotional strength for you, but I could not be what that boy can. I am not angry at him, and all in all I am truly happy for you, because in a ways I can see now that I am sure even you are realizing that life is not as bad as how it started out to seem.


But you know, in a ways, I am also okay with not finding that spark with another, too. Before you and I became something, I was your best friend. I was there for you when you needed it, your cornerstone for when something bad went down and you needed someone. I have always told myself, that in the end if I cannot be someone’s significant other that I truly, truly care about, being the best is all I can aspire to be. Being your best friend is what I know how to do best. 

I know that our friendship is in the past now, and I hope that when you look back on it, you will see.And I hope that, through our years of knowing each other, I was a significant part of your life, if just for a moment. I was a new chapter, and now that we have ended, another chapter begins for you just as it begins for me as well.

Wishing you All the Best~ 

NOTAHATI:Segala Apa Yang Berlaku , Membuatkan Siapa Kita Hari Ini . Kita Belajar Dari Masa Lalu Kita Itulah Bagaimana Kita Untuk Menjadi Lebih Baik :)


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